"Suicide, not a choice.."
The mind is a wonderful thing... well... not to waste, of course.
It does do strange things in the middle of the night. I tried to rewrite my thoughts about the events of one night and how my strange thoughts unfolded.
written on 11.19.2000
Thursday morning on March 4, 1999 @ 10:30 am, I realized that...
I had been driving all night without problems of road fatigue, hypnosis or bleary eyes. My thoughts focused on a new web page design -a simple one with an extreme message and only a few pages long.
The first page would have one word in the center- [click].
A person would be curious about this I thought.
They double click on the "[click]".
It takes them to the second page where they look at a photograph of a man, a table and an artist easel. The man appears as a silhouette against the bright morning light flooding through the big picture window in front of him. The photo is in black and white with sepia over tones (like an antique picture). The only color in the photo to suggest life, is of a portion of a 'hand drawing' of a potted flowering plant on the art easel, and on the right finger tips of the mans hand. Juxtaposed to the plant of color is a copy of the same plant in black and white sitting on a bare table. The colored plant appears to be scribbled out in a heavy gesture of frustration and immediately beside it, is a hand drawn box - heavy and repeated as if to say over and over "look at me".
In the box is the word "[click]".
The man in the photo appears to be under great tension by the look of his body. His head hangs backwards as if he were going to cry out to the heavens or possibly, that he has realized the shocking truth about something. He is facing the window and leaning very heavily against the window trim, with his right arm balanced and resting on top of his head. His right hand loosely holds a burning cigarette with a long ash hanging, seemingly ready to fall off, if there were the slightest movement from the hand. The mans' left arm hangs limply down and behind him, resting lifelessly on the imaginable shelf, of his torso. Equally lifeless, his left hand limply holds a handgun that appears more prominently than the man does himself. The gun seems to appear noticeably dark an eerie. The tension, frustration and pain show in the mans' withering pose.
The light from the bright early morning sun, the colored flower and the gun form a triad visually, as if they are in competition for viewing. Manipulating the photo, so the viewer develops a curiosity for more meaning. Other subtle elements can be viewed that neither ad nor detract from the major triad. They simply offer things the viewer can interpret on an individual level, in the overall scene. The focus of the viewer loops in the triad but can easily escape because of the visually strength of the "[click]". Since the first page contained only one link forward for the viewer, it would seem logical that this "[click]" was also a link. It has become obvious to the viewer by now that the "[click]" is the link to go forward because of the standard hyperlink identification. The viewer pursues their search for the meaning of the photo. They can only move forward by the one link and only form the conclusion about the overall message: "what's this about".
They double "[click]" on the link and go to the third page.
On this page in the same position as the photo of the man, table and easel, is a newspaper clipping of a headline story. The story is true and the dates, times and facts are readable. The story is about a man that committed suicide. It gives the shocking details of the events and the tragedy. The viewer now is able to draw closer to their previous thoughts about the photo. It (the photo) has meaning and purpose because of the news clipping. The message would seem to be clear. The man in the photo, the gun, the color of flowers, the bright morning light - the tension of life and death and choices. At the bottom of the news clipping the words "choose life" reach out in such a way as to conclude the experience for the viewer. It also forms the last link to the fourth page. The viewer clicks on the link and the fourth page displays the words "the beginning", in the same position of the page that the word "[click]" did on the first page. It represents a similar struggle "is the end really the beginning, or is the beginning, really the end"? The extreme message - "choose life" given on the third page of the web site is the purpose for the web site.
Thursday morning on March 4, 1999 @ 10:30 am, I realized that...
It had been twelve years ago to this date and time when, I was notified my father committed suicide.
"[click]"
In terms of cognitive and logical thought, I find this an experience that has no explanation.
"[click]"
I do find meaning in the experience.
"[click]"
As an artist with the need to express ideas, I find it an opportunity to turn tragedy into hope - thus the web site.
"[click]"
I also realize, this is a very personalized viewpoint and wonder, what could I be missing?
"[click]"
If I made this site, would it carry the impact I'm trying to state, or would it carry a completely different meaning to others?
"[click]"
One person viewing it that was contemplating their choices may decide to choose the color of life.
"[click]"
"[click]"
"[click]"
"[click]"
"[click]"
stop...