"Anonymity and the Net..."
In a very realistic way understanding people on the net is no different than in "real time", it depends on our good sense....
When we log in on the net and talk with other people we do so in a setting where everyone is a figment of someone else's imagination. We speak as faceless humans without sound, bodies without physical presence. We are without senses and we can, become senseless in this cyberspace reality.
Establishing and maintaining friendships on the Internet is quite different from the real world. It's not realistic to think that we can depend on any friendships without making sacrifices and working at it. This idea becomes exponentially more difficult when friendship are kindled on the "Net" because they're encircled in anonymity. We may think we know someone but, in reality we only have a cyber-relationship centered, more specifically, around "physical anonymity".
Think about that when it comes to dealing with people you interact with, both in real life and on the net.
In the real world we use our physical senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste) and a combination of "physical and mental" processing for understanding reality. It seems simple enough. Like when someone makes a foolish statement and then "smiles" while gently patting you on the back. You understand what they said is a joke or is not to be taken too seriously. Smell is a great indicator, just think of all varying degrees of personal hygiene amongst us, we can be greatly influenced by both noxious and not so foul smells. Have you ever tried to concentrate around someone that put on aftershave or perfume with a soup ladle? It's not likely you'll take to someone or make a close friendship if someone's odor is unbearable to you. Even if someone smells wonderful seeing is believing, our eyes are great tools and can pick out and sort through tons of visual data. When someone "presents" themselves they do so in a set of variables packaged as mannerisms. Their movements may be quick or jerky or slow and methodical. Constant coughing or "ticks" may make communicating a struggle. Again it's not likely you'll befriend someone you find hard to put up with physically because they run at a different speed than you do. Or maybe the way a person dresses is important to you and because they do not dress acceptably in your eyes (our standards vary), you may find yourself prone to judging their appearance instead of listening. Not something that builds a friendships but rather, separates it. More examples can be shown on how verbal communication relies on tone, cadence, pitch and other self expressing variables and how they influence our interactions. Have you ever talked to someone who is very LOUD? You could swear their voice would project across the Mississippi River. Be honest, would you enjoy their company in a quiet restaurant, regardless if it's for business or pleasure? It would be unlikely to establish a close friendship because you may be embarrassed being around this person, since they draw so much attention from so far away. The list could go indefinitely. As many people as there are in the world, there are equal numbers of individual nuances that affect/effect communication. Using physical queues is paramount for decoding individuals and establishing our likes and dislikes which strengthen or weaken our relationships. Our physical "senses" are vital to establishing "dependable" relationships built on physical interaction which forms basic trust and understanding in humans, something impossible to do on the net.
On the net we process information by "fabricating" mental images and creating perceptions based on what we read on our monitors. We cannot use our "physical senses" to help process information and by skipping this step, inadvertently develop artificial expectations and perceptions that at any given time can turn into heartbreak, disappointment or "parting of the ways". Objectively speaking, the net is a "cerebral" reality and without physical presence, individualistic meanings/thoughts can literally take on life of their own. It's abstract. Meanings depend on shared understanding between individuals and that can be a huge problem because we don't fully know one another. Have you ever heard someone say "let's make sure we're reading off the same page of a book"? For the most part general conversations on the net don't come into play because "small talk" isn't a matter that usually produces any problems or conflict. It's when we have conflicts or misunderstandings that things get muddied up. When this happens it's usually a result of "one" or a "combination" of factors.
Timing and individual "points of view" are very important in "live and in person" conversations. Most "real time" human interaction thrives on a combination of spontaneity and polite interruptions both of which have a certain degree of "timing" and all are absolutely necessary for mutual understanding. It's simple on a face to face conversation, you say something stupid that hurts someone and they cry, you know you screwed up unless you are purposefully trying to hurt them. What is said by any individual can be immediately controlled by that individual by observing simple queues in the other person, such as delight or disgust in their facial or body language.
On the net this type of physical "timing" is not possible, where the interaction involves spontaneous action/reaction. Yes, it's still a timing thing but it remains in our "total control" depending on when and how "we" want to react. It gives us the chance to "shape up" and make the best use of our common sense (or lack of). You speak when you want to and read when you want to. You can cool off and regain your composer at will or scream and holler until the cows come home. Unfortunately, this type of control removes any "real" or "natural" emotions or at least dislocates them, depending on any one individuals "timed" response to a problem. The direct effects of saying something disgusting or delightful may never be known, may bite you immediately or may come back to haunt you at some future time, it depends on an individuals "point of view" and how it jives with yours.
Now, an individuals point of view is probably the easiest thing to understand on the net, yet it can be confusing. It's pretty easy, I'm right and you're wrong! It should be that easy! For the most part conversations flow on the net like they do in real time and "chain of thought" is easy to follow. Unless you get several conversations going with several people and then trouble might come to your door if you're not careful. Most trouble comes when/if conflicts arise. It's where our expectations and perceptions enter into the scheme of things. If someone has met up with all your expectations and you perceive them to be cool, all is good. What happens when you have a disagreement? In real life you might hash things out and use your mental acuity and physical senses to understand one another, a positive healthy way to solve conflicts. On the net it shapes up differently. Again timing plays a role and so do "view points" and more importantly here, because all of a sudden we start reading differently without physical feedback. We change expectations and perceptions without including the other party involved in the conversation. What we read as good before becomes bad, "our" view point changes. "That" phrase or "those" words that where "kind of" confusing before, become clear now, they're words of the devil himself! The point is we can shift context and "view points" very easily depending on a number of factors, most mentioned before and most revolving around the absence of a "body" to see, hear, smell and touch. Lets look at one example and try to imagine how easy words can be manipulated for both good and bad reasons. A simple phrase can, and often does, have different meanings to individuals depending on what their "view point" is. For example lets take the phrase: "I can't believe this is happening to me, I would think these guys know what the hell they're doing". In the conversation between two people talking about job hunting where one person is "highly skilled" and one is "unqualified" for a position with company "a", two meanings evolve. The highly skilled person uses the phrase to express "disgruntlement" when she sees "these guys" doing a bad job and then relating false notions to the boss, who may hire her. On the other hand the unqualified person expresses "dismay" and may use the same phrase to describe the boss "in general" after hiring her. The same phrase has two distinct "view points" when used in context of this conversation.
Understanding the importance of relationships in real life can help us avoid problems on the net when we try to develop friendships. Loosing touch with this reality can create many problems for Internet users both in the workplace and home settings.
Unlike real life, the net is shaped in common words or language without physical presence, and the only individualism one can assign to any one person and their words without this presence, is by assumption (expectations and perceptions). We know what that means (It makes an [ass] out of [u] and [me] both). Otherwise our "identity" is just in a given name associated with given combinations of the alphabet that you read on a screen. Words without sound, punctuated thoughts and ideas that come to us when the author chooses to send his story or we send ours. Tailored stories, meanings and definitions that we read when we choose to. The writings can be complicated and/or vague at the same time and are passed back and forth at speeds greater than sound. All with a strict sense of planned timing which are based on degrees of passion, emotion and Internet access.
With all of our might, we split hairs between making rational and irrational choices between believing and disbelief. Acceptance and rejection of individual thoughts cloaked in an anonymous whirl of words. The anonymity creates a huge pool of artificial dialogue where good and evil is put side by side. This is not a helpful reality for sizing up or understanding other people, let alone, making friendships based on the age old basics of trust. These Internet situations simply lack physical presence and with that, our intuitive good sense.
It's all a very simple matter though of knowing and understanding the net and its' pseudo reality. Whether our physical senses are involved or not and with anonymity being a choice, interaction on the Internet can only result in artificial understanding and expression as we alternate between the roles of author and reader. While poetically conducted through a monitor and concluding with strokes of a keyboard, our conversations may feel realistic but, our expectations may be unrealistic. Keep in mind as you dance between roles of author and reader while playing "your" tune, you're lacking your physical senses and as a result are gaining fabricated friendships. You do not however, have to loose your commonsense.
Getting to know people on the Internet is just like it is in person with many important differences...
We cannot see body language.
We cannot smell.
We cannot touch or feel.
We cannot hear the individuals voice and self expression.
We are not exposed to environmental factors.
We do not see mannerisms.
We tend to view others without faults.
We do not feel emotions.
We have no understanding of credibility.
Interruptions do not exist, talk is without questions.
Roles are undefined.
Exchanges can be multi threaded with one or more individuals.
Exchanges can be unrelated both emotionally and contextually.
Purpose comes first, understanding second.
What you perceive may be different from what the author has meant to express.
Expectations can override the truth.
Spontaneity is removed.
What we say is thought out and planned, punctuated.
When we say something we deliver it when we are ready.
We receive and read at our own pace.
We have the option to temper our thoughts.
We express our thoughts equal to the difficulty of writing them.
If it is hard to understand "points of view" it is equally hard to express them in written words.
We expect our norms to be acceptable to everyone else.